58 posts from 2008

why arn't there anymore places left where i can run too...

*sigh*

what am i so scared of?...

i'll be doing the right thing....

i hate who i've become...

couldnt i have just died that summmer? *sigh*

i'm glad that i can still feel guilt....but its not enough

why doesn't anything seem real...

and why does everyhting seem so pointless...

especially holding on..and fighting

denial seems to become sweeter day by day

i'm silently waiting for you to come take somthing important away....

maybe then i'll wake up

Senaka no kage ga nobikiru sono aima ni nigeru
Hagare ochita hane ni mo kizukazu ni tobu
Machikado amai nioi ryuusenn touku mukou kara
Dokoka de kita you na nakigoe
Yokaze ga hakobu awai kibou wo nosete
Dokomade yukeru ka
Sore wo kobamuyou ni sekai wa yurete
Subete wo ubaisaru
Yume nara sameta
Dakedo bokura wa mada nanimo shiteinai susumu

i miss him...*smiles*

when was the last time i missed a boy?

*shakes head* mave-chan..ur an idiot!

the sky is blue and clear...cloudless...the sun is warm... and its pleasent...

in the evenings it's windy....its autum...

and the nights are cold,but its ok...i'm kept warm..and its pleasent

college crap keeps hapening..but i can deal with that...

and i talk to people i want to talk too...and its pleasent

i may be broke..but the cigarettes i can manage

so i guess i am fine

i smile a lot these days as well...even though i rarely laugh

i'm going around in circles..just like before...

it feel like i'm dreaming...and its pleasent

but things that still mater.. i'm so far away from..

will i even make it out of this?

or will i be dreaming for all eternity?

i saw this korean movie the other day..it was called holiday..after the bee gee's song i guess..it's part of the soundtrack..

the song was beautiful..the movie was beautiful as well..*sigh*

and that's saying somthing coz i watched the movie without subtitles...

and what i learnt was....honour is a beutiful thing..even if it gets you killed....even if no one remembers and more importantly..even if you don't..living and dying honourably is a beautiful thing

Ooh you're a holiday , such a holiday

It's something I thinks worthwhile
If the puppet makes you smile
If not then you're throwing stones
Throwing stones, throwing stones

Ooh it's a funny game
Don't believe that it's all the same
Can't think what I've just said
Put the soft pillow on my head

Millions of eys can see
Yet why am I so blind

When the someone else is me
It's unkind, it's unkind

Yet millions of eyes can see
Yet why am I so blind
When the someone else is me
It's unkind, it's unkind

Ooh you're a holiday , ev'ry day , such a holiday
Now it's my turn to say , and I say you're a holiday
It's something I thinks worthwhile
If the puppet makes you smile
If now then you're throwing stones
Throwing stones , throwing stones

i love sappy manga!!!!...@_@

*dies*

...overdose..*giggles*

I will...

eat lesser amounts of spicy food...... running to the loo at odd times can be inconvenient..-___-

clean my room more often

wash my favourite pair of jeans

learn how to respect myself......I owe Mavey that much..*nods*

write in my diary more often....vox isn't good enough..what if the site crashes or somthing?

smoke lesser...dying of an asthma attack is a stupid and pointless way to go

 finish the letters that I’ve left halfway and post the ones I’m too scared to send..

study..even if it seems to be an impossible dream.. I have to try

control my temper..exploding they way I do just shows weakness

try and stand up for myself..without being spiteful

forgive…but like before..I won’t ever forget

act silly and be ok with it

try and not get any more piercings done…ok maybe two more… -___-

be graceful…even when I’m treated like dirt

never be scared of standing up for the things I always believed in …no matter how hard it is

learn how to manage my money

let go of my need to love blindly….it destroys too much of me and I can’t afford that

trust the world very little…trust kanzeon lesser still

Every Me And Every You- Placebo

i've been feeeling like this lately..-__-..can relate to this..*nods*

Sucker love is Heaven sent
You pucker up ,our passion`s spent
My heart`s a tart,your body`s rent,
My body`s broken,yours is spent.

Carve your name into my arm,
Instead of stressed,I lie here charmed,
Coz' there`s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you.

Sucker love,a box I choose,
No other box I choose to use,
Another love,I would abuse,
No circumstances could excuse.

In the shape of things to come,
Too much poison,come undone,
Coz' there`s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you,
Every me,and every you,
Every me

Sucker love is known to swing,
Prone to cling and waste these things.
Pucker up for Heaven`s sake,
There`s never  been so much at stake.

I serve my head up,on a plate,
It`s only comfort ,calling late,
Coz' there`s nothing else to do,
Every me and every you,
Every me,and every you,
Every me
Every me and every you,
Every me.

Like the naked leads the blind,
I know I`m selfish,I`m unkind,
Sucker love,I always find,
Someone to bruise ,and leave behind.

All alone in space and time,
There`s nothing here,
But what here`s mine,
Something borrowed,somethïng blue,

Every me and every you,
Every me,and every you,
Every me

i dont really blame them....

treat me like i'm somthing that's stuck on the bottom of your shoe..

you wouldn't realy understand how i feel..and mr and mrs fucktard deserved it... they did,not because of what they

said,oh no...it was fun fighting,it's because he is just  dinner table conversation for them,just newer jucier  gossip..

what hurts is that i can't see him...that i cant talk to him...he's awake...i know that

and the 1st thing he asked for when he woke up was "'her"..i know that too

i want to go there..despite the pity i'm going to get from everyone who doesn't understand and the only one who does..

i want to go there despite the fact that i'm not wanted or needed..

its just somthing i have to do...