Mave’s Neighborhood

For the last week, I've been logging in here every day... but even after an hour of staring at the screen... I can't type out what I'm thinkin of... Maybe because I've been so blank... or is it because there are too many thoughts runnin around in my head? I don't know...

I know I was sober as I turned 19. But also that it didn't last even an hour into my birthday...
I know on my b'day, I went to Mojos with my room-mate and a senior who shares the same b'day... And that I smoked over a pack in a matter of hours...
I know I've been randomly bonding with first years... and hoping they hear at least a few words of what I say...
I know I'm carrying letters that hurt every time I look at them... but its a...proud kind of pain... *smiles* You shan't say I'm weak all that too soon next time around...
I know I have to spend three hours in the library everyday... yet I haven't started projects...
I know the alternate day plan is more or less working... but I know it isn't good enough...
I know I'm too proud to cry... but I'm scared that maybe its just that I'm too tired...

"May all Living beings on Earth live in Peace and Harmony"

Thats what this little wooden pendant-like thing around my neck says. My friend made her little brother send it for me from the other end of this country. Its Buddhist (She's not sure of the script) and really very pretty...

Two of my other friends got me the first book in the series of the "Buddha". Its of the Graphic Novel lot and is an amazing read, to the point that I'm sure even our History Professor would appreciate it! I must read the rest of the series!

I wish it were possible to convince people that all life is equally valuable... but our selfishness is not restricted merely to our selves. It goes on to portray what we feel about our species as a whole.

Pathetic.
Thats all we are.

I guess... I'm jus waiting for someone to prove me wrong... Its kind of odd because, in these holidays, I realized that the people I truly respected were the so-called 'selfish' ones. But then again, a word is only as good as its meaning... which is solely as good as its interpretation...

Maybe,... all this time,... I've just been using the wrong dictionary.

Peace and Harmony?..
*smiles sadly*
Yeah...
Someday...

Bye bye

1 comment

Yeah, you got it right.
Your friendly neighbourhood blogger will leave you for 2 whole weeks.
Starting tomorrow.

So where will I go? you might ask (is you are by any means as curious in nature as me).
Well since you are asking so nicely, I will tell you.

I will go to Norway.
To the most northern part of the country to be more precise.
See my grandfather (on my dads side) comes from there originally (and then he met grams and moved to Sweden (Trollhättan actually) for love).
A few years back he bought a house there, so that's where we'll stay.

Norway's a good country I think.
I like the language, it sounds cosy to me.
And the environmet's very beautiful too, especially in the north with the mountains and all.
I will take loads of pictures, I promise.

Try not to miss me too much people!
I'll be back before you know it.
Until then....

Take care all right. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Ha ha..Peace out! (^ - ^) 

Sleepy

Hi all my neighbours!
(And everyone else that stumbles across this post, you are just as welcome of course.)

It's 10.48 in the morning here in Sweden when I am writing this and so far I have been on a power walk (about 5 kilometres I think) and had breakfast.

Right now I am waiting for my sister to get ready in the shower so that I can go there...bu she's shaving her legs so it might take some time before that happens (she's soooo slow).

Or not!
She just opened the door to the computer room and told me that she was ready. HA ha, talk about a coincidence.

Today will be a good day I think. At least it feels like it now. I am still freaking out about the whole apartment business, but I am moving forward in the queues so I am trying to have faith that it will work out.

In case you wonder about the over excited headline...well I don't really have a good answer for you. Don't know why I decided to make it in a ton of languages (don't ask me how my brain works, I have no idea).
Just for fun I guess.
And in case some of the signs (kanji, that's what it's called right?) is wrong, I apologize for that. I translated it on Babelfish and since I don't speak either Japanese (although I would like to learn), Chinese or Korean (and above all don't write kanji) I can't tell if it's correct or not. So...sumimasen in case it's wrong.

Anyway. I will go to my grandfather (on my mothers side)'s "birthday get together thing" today. He turns 70. There will be cake so I suppose it'll at least be a little fun (nothing can be completely boring with cake involved, right?).

Take care guys! (^ - ^) Ja ne!      

...but still not going completely crazy (or having a nervous breakdown)

Everything is messed up. Everything... and the scariest part is that there is just so much more that can go wrong... As if three hours every single day in this hell hole were not enough. Once again I find the same threat hanging over me... and out of the people closest to me, I have not spoken to one in weeks. The other and I just can't seem to agree anymore... and the last now hates me...

I lied and got away with it for far too long now. Maybe this is some kind of Karmic vengeance. With the monetary scene lookin as gloomy as it does right now, I don't think I can afford 'highness' for a while. The smokes shall obviously have to reduce to a negligible number... And I will necessarily end up spending a LOT of time in the darned lib.

*laughs*
The only way I would find this any funnier is... if I was watching it happen...

I'm tired now.

I dunno if this is a test... and if it is, I really don't even know if I'm failing miserably or just about passing. For now, I just have to get by. Or at least try to anyhow...

Oh well, at least I have my laptop back...

*smiles sadly*

Empty.

I trust that you all know by now about the apartment hunt business that goes on in my life. 
Right?

Well for the ones that have managed to miss it (not that I know how that should have happened, but still...):
I am currently trying to find an apartment in Lund (where I will attend the university in the fall) and the stress of it is really getting to me. ...Yeah, that's basically it.

Okay so I just though that you wanted to know that I am still managing.
(I have issues with not getting to be the one that's in control...in case someone has missed that).
I mean the stress is there all the time, nudging at me from the back of my mind, but I have it under control so far.
The complete freak out is never far away these days, but for now there is nothing to worry about.

I am still as sane as I'll ever be (which is not very sane if you compare to some people, but who said that we were going to compare?) and I am really trying to keep it that way. This is a fight for me, to not have control. For some people (my parents, especially my mother) it might be hard to understand how someone can have such a hard time with it, but well I have been the one that has all the answers, the one you ask when you don't know pretty much my whole life. So I guess I just have a hard time adjusting to the fact that it's not like that anymore.
I am still the master of my own destiny, but not in the same way I used to be.

*Sigh* I guess we all have our own problems.
And after all I should be happy that mine aren't bigger than this.

It'll work out somehow. It has to.

Love You guys. Thanks for listening! (^ - ^) Peace out!

In honor of Bastille Day, show us something French.

The eiffel tower

Can it get any more French?

....I think not.

(Well that would be if I had a picture of a baguette...but unfortunately I don't)

This picture's taken in November 2007 (in case someone was curious) and ignoring the fact that it's slightly blurry I am quite happy with it.

The appartment hunt:
Not going that much forward. I am far back in line for all the apartments I am queuing for (15/25..or something, is the best).
Can't ignore the fact that this worries me, but I am trying to keep positive and think about the fact that it's a lot of time left before the term starts.
...it'll work out somehow.

Take care guys! (^ - ^) Ja ne!

And someday, the skies will open up to shower the bounty of the Gods. Rain, riches, love, life, laughter, blood, light, truth, knowledge, power, fear, disease. And the earth will be flooded with the nastiness of the heavens. And the unintelligent dwellers of the netherworld shall rejoice at having been bestowed upon with the blessings of the heavens. Not knowing whether it is the love of hell or the heaven’s fury that they are enduring. I shall stand upon the small hill, looking around at the wet world around, trying to shield myself with the weak umbrella of lies I have sewn for myself.

Blood rayne

Layers upon layers of lies to cover up the truths, I lie in hope that it will be enough.

And a poor peasant comes up to me, speaks ill of me for not having accepted the blessings of the Gods, I glare at him with the eyes of the death lord. The peasant hurries off to join the scramble for collecting the false riches that fall from the sky. I just look on rooted to my spot. My thin umbrella seemed to be at its limit now. Begins to give way to some drops. I panic, I spew some more lies. I try to repair my umbrella I try to protect myself.

All the while wondering, for how much longer can I hold on?

I listen. Someone is singing. An angelic voice in this world of confusion. I try to look far in search of the gleam of purity. I find not far from me, at the foothills of the hill I stood upon, another umbrella open. An umbrella of pure whiteness unlike mine. Blazing with the truths of life. And of her song. I hope to catch a glimpse of the surreal divinity. I struggle downhill, careful not to let go of my umbrella. Once there, I walk around the white umbrella of truth admiring the beauty of the craftsmanship. I look at own. Black, roughly held together with millions of my lies.

 And finally I look at her face. Only there was none.

The angelic voice admonished, having never seen the face of truth before, you, the bearer of the umbrella of untruths, shall never see my face. The thunder ripped across the skies above us and the bounty of the Gods kept showering upon the earth, and I could no longer repair my umbrella with my lies.

Later.

The umbrella man

Insanity. Lapse of reason. Psychotic behaviour. In dire need of therapy. Tendency to go overboard with things.
 
Now, when you see these tendencies in someone the first

Light in the darkness